#three months i've been stressing about this

[lucy90712]

Can you please make a hector fort fic where he spends all his time with his friends and spends barely time with her. Then they were supposed to go on a date together and she waits for him to pick her up, she waits for 2 hours and goes to social media to see if he has posted anything and sees on his story a picture of him and her girl bestfriend having fun playing games. So she leaves the house with her stuff. When hector comes home he realises what he has done and tries to get back in contact with her but he fails. They don't see each other for a while but he notices her walking on a busy street and tries to talk to her. (ending with fluff please)

You: good morning amor hope training goes well don't forget about our plans tonight I'll be waiting for you 

Hector: have fun in class and don't worry I'll be there at 7 as promised 

You: love you 

That was the last I heard from Hector and now it's 8:32pm and he's still not here to pick me up. He promised he promised me he'd be here and that he'd make up for us not spending any time together. I should've seen it coming as he's been doing this for weeks he's promised time and time again that he will come over or we'll go on a date and then he never shows up. When I can finally get hold of him he always has an excuse either he was busy or with friends and lost track of time but whatever it is it hurts. I've done so much for Hector I've been there for him since we were kids and I've been there for every good and bad moment of his football career but he can't even manage to show up for one day or just to see me for an hour. 

We made the jump from being friends to being a couple just over a year ago and for the longest time he was the best boyfriend ever he treated me so well was super attentive and really made an effort to be romantic and take me on dates. I don't remember exactly when it changed I think it happened slowly over time but ever since he's started playing with the first team more he's been busier with training and matches which I understand but what I don't understand is spending every evening with his teammates who he sees all day when he could see me. It might sound selfish but I just miss my boyfriend he's already missed so much like he wasn't here when I was stressed over my big exams and he wasn't here when I got the results and he wasn't here when I needed him most when my mum went into hospital and I was scared and panicking. Just a few months ago he'd never dream of leaving my side during any of those times but now he barely knows they even happened. 

I text him once then twice then three times then I called multiple times but they all went unanswered. My last resort was to message him on Instagram as I know he won't have turned the notifications off for that but I didn't need to message him Instagram gave me my answer straight away. He had posted on his story showing him out with his friends and my best friend was with them too which was a whole other level of pain. My best friend knows all about my troubles with Hector yet she went out with him and his friends anyway and didn't even bother to tell me. That was the final straw I'm not dealing with this anymore I deserve better I deserve someone who will be there for me, not break promises and definitely not someone who makes me feel like this. 

My mind was racing but I quickly worked out what I wanted to do so I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Seeing as Hector wasn't in I decided now is the perfect time to go and get all the things I have at his place and leave the spare key I have that he gave me ages ago because I won't be needing it anymore. When I opened the door I immediately saw all the little things of mine there are that makes Hector's place feel just like my own some of my books are on his coffee table and my hair ties on the sideboard by the door. I spent some time grabbing all my things while trying not to cry that I was losing my boyfriend who I thought was the love of my life. Before I left I found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote Hector a note to tell him his I felt and why I was leaving and then put my key with it. Closing the door I felt like I was closing a chapter in my life a chapter I never wanted to close and one that's going to stay with me for a long time but it has to be done. 

Hector's POV

As soon as I opened the door to my apartment it felt weirdly empty like was something wrong but the door was locked and nothing looked like it has been stolen. Still I had a quick look around and then I noticed a piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Next to it was a key and that's when I realised what was wrong all of y/n's things were gone her books, her hair ties and all of the little things she leaves here were gone and this is her key that's now in my hand not with her like it should be. I knew the note would be from her but I didn't need to read it to know what was going on and what I'd done. I had promised to see her tonight as I've forgotten about the last few dates we've planned but I did it again my friends dragged me out after training and then I got carried away and forgot about the most important part of my day proving to y/n that I will do better. I really didn't want to read the note but I knew I had to I owe her that at the very least.

Dear Hector, 

I have left my key and taken my things because I'm done. I'm done because tonight we were supposed to go out you promised you'd pick me up at 7 and you promised you wouldn't forget like you have been for the last few months but you did. Instead of trying to prove to me that you love me and that the last few months have just been an anomaly you went out with your friends and my best friend leaving me waiting for you, calling and texting you until I saw your story. I can't do this anymore I love you but I can't let you treat me like this so I'm calling it here. I've really enjoyed the last year or so we've spent together but it's time for us to move on as clearly we aren't meant to be. 

I love you and probably will for the rest of my life but this is goodbye. 

Y/n xx

Those words hurt to read. I already knew I fucked up but to see the words written in front of me made it truly hit me how much I'd hurt her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me she was always there for everything no matter what she's been by my side through every up and down and I truly thought she'd be there for everything for the rest of our lives. I wanted her there for every achievement in my career and I wanted to be there for all of her achievements too. She was the one I didn't need anyone else I didn't want anyone else but now she's left me and I don't have my person anymore and I may never have her again. 

After the initial shock I tried to text her to see if I could apologise but she had already blocked me so I tried Instagram but she had blocked me on there too. I should've seen it coming but it upset me that I wouldn't be able to reach out to her and try and make things right or at least tell her how sorry I am for fucking this all up so badly. She's gone and it's all my fault that's what hurts the most if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still be together but no I had to go and ruin things with the best woman in the world. 

A few weeks later

Life has been hell for the last few weeks I've really missed y/n I've missed having her sat in the stands during matches and I've definitely missed seeing her. She's been in my life for the longest time not just as my girlfriend but as my friend so not having her in my life anymore and so suddenly as well has been really hard. I've definitely not been myself all of the guys keep asking if I'm ok and I tell them I am but we all know it's a lie they know how much I love y/n and they can see how it's destroyed me to lose her. I've tried time and time again to reach out to her but of course I'm still blocked I even text her best friend to get her to talk to y/n but she says she hasn't seen her or had any of her texts answered either so I have no way of telling her that I'm sorry. 

Everyone keeps telling me I need to try and move on and they're right it's just hard everything reminds me of y/n whenever I go anywhere I see places that we've been on dates to or just places we have memories at. Today I'm going to stop myself from moping about and go for a walk to clear my head as that's what I think I need to be able to move on or at least start to. I decided to go to the nearest park and walk around as it's relaxing and it should be quiet there which is what I need. 

The park was pretty empty there was a few people around; one couple with their baby an older couple feeding the birds and a girl who was sat on a bench with a book. The girl reminded me of y/n her hair was the same colour and reading in the park is something she loved to do. As I walked closer I realised that it actually was y/n she had headphones in and the book she'd been reading in her hands like she so often did when I went to see her. Seeing her made me stop in my tracks I didn't know whether to go and talk to her or just leave her be but then I realised this is my chance to talk to her and get closure at the very least. 

Your POV

Being without Hector has been hard I've missed feeling his touch and having him next to me when I sleep. So many times I've wanted to take it all back and run back to him but I know I can't or he'll think he can treat me like that again or someone else and I can't let that happen. Today is Wednesday which is the day that I had free from classes and usually I would spend all day with Hector so I've been sat at home all day thinking about him but I can't keep doing that so I needed to get outside. To give me something to do I walked to the park with my book. I found a bench with a nice view of the trees and the little pond with a few ducks and let myself forget about the real world. 

I was so in my own world that I didn't notice when someone sat next to me to start with until they sighed which brought me out of my trance. When I looked to my side I think I turned as white as a ghost because Hector was sat next to me with a look of pure sadness on his face. It took a few seconds for my brain to begin functioning again but when it did I leapt up and tried to run away. I'm not ready to face him again not when I've been trying so hard to forget about him and move on I blocked him and separated myself from him so I wouldn't have to do this. Before I could get more than a few steps away Hector placed a hand on my arm he didn't pull me back he didn't even hold my arm tightly but having his hand on me stopped me dead in my tracks. He encouraged me to sit back down so I did and I watched as his hand moved off my arm down to my hand which he held tightly in his grasp so I couldn't run again. 

"Hector" I started to say 

"No please let me talk" he interrupted 

"Ok but you have five minutes then I'm leaving" I said

"I'm sorry and I know move said that a lot recently but I really mean it when I got home and saw the note you left it broke me having all of your stuff gone from my apartment made it feel empty and not being able to see or talk to you has killed me I've missed you so much and I'll do anything to make it up to you" he said 

"How do I know that you actually mean it and that you'll actually change I told you how disappointed I was a million times and every time you told me you wouldn't forget the next time and then you always did it's like I wasn't important to you anymore how do I know that'll change" I said 

"I know I was an awful boyfriend but losing you has taught me a lot I know I can't treat you like that and I'd never dream of doing it again this might seem to much but you are truly the one for me I don't want to ever be with anyone else so please give me a another chance and I promise I'll do better and if I don't I'll let you go" he said 

"Ok but this is your last chance if you miss any date or anything without telling me and giving me a valid reason we're done" I said 

"I'll never miss a date ever again don't worry" he said 

"I can't lie I'm glad to have you back I've missed you so much it really hurt to walk away" I said

"And you'll never have to walk away again I'm here to stay" he said 

He pulled me into his side and leant down to kiss my lips which felt so good as I've missed having him by my side and I've definitely missed kissing him. He let me sit and finish the chapter I was reading before we left the park and went back to his place as he wanted to make things up to me straight away by having a movie date at home which he knows are my favourite. He's definitely off to a good start at making things up to me but honestly I'm just happy to have him back by my side. 

[echantedtoon]

A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch16 Setting Hearts A Blaze P2

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"Does something feel off to you today?"

"Hm? No. Not particularly. Why do you ask?"

It was a bit more nippy out today than usual. Really feeling that Christmas snow getting ready to come in. It had been at least almost three weeks since your aunt had gone on her trip to the wedding and came back. You had picked her up at the airport despite her insistence on getting a taxi back home, and on the long drive home had asked her about it.

"How was your trip?," you asked her with a smile as you began to pull out of your parking spot. "Did the ride back go well?"

"Honey, I think I'm gonna have to take a bus next time." She groaned stretching out her back. "Didn't know you could get jet leg from a plane."

"How was the wedding?"

"Pretty generic as far as weddings go. Wedding cake this. Walk down the aisle that. Though I might get some future business if I'm lucky."

"...Did you do as I asked?"

"Sweetheart." She smiled at you in a smirking knowing way. "Someone's gonna love you.~"

You gave her a weird confused look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, just wait and see.~"

"That still doesn't answer my question."

It still didn't. And your aunt wouldn't give you a straight answer. So you took it as a maybe it'll work or maybe it won't. You'll have to wait and see if anything did change. However days went on. November was passing by slowly and coldly. Soon enough it would be December and the time to start decorating for Christmas. Still no word from Kyojuro...then again you really hadn't seen or heard from him since he picked up Koto for Sanemi from the daycare. You didn't ask Mei or anyone else figuring it'd be rude to ask about someone else's business, and let it be.

However you couldn't shake the feeling that something seemed... different about today. You couldn't figure out why for the life of you even as you both were helping to pick up toys strewn about the place and disinfectant all the surfaces sticky little hands would touch but he had looked up hearing you ask him a question.

You shrugged spraying a toy stuffed bunny with disinfectant spray. "Oh I don't know. It just feels like something is off today is all."

"Did you leave anything on before you left the house?"

"No "

"Did you leave your house unlocked?"

"No."

"Perhaps you forgot to pick up something?"

"No. I paid my bills this month and I went grocery shopping yesterday. I got everything I needed." 

"Perhaps your classes?"

"I've been keeping up with both classes." The bunny was tossed into the toy box nearby and you moved on towards something else to clean. "I don't know what it is, but I just feel that something's off somehow."

He hummed again. "Whatever it is it's probably not too important if you aren't worried about it. I'm sure whatever it is will sort itself out soon enough."

"You're probably right. I'm just a bit stressed out with all the work I guess."

He was right. Whatever it was probably wouldn't be very important if you couldn't remember what it was or figure out what it is. It'll be forgotten about in no time at all. Which is why you put it mostly out of your mind. It was still in the back of your mind but mostly forgotten about in favor of finishing clean up with Gyomei and leaving to go do that day's part of the project with Giyuu and Shinobu. Giyuu had mentioned repeatedly wanting to go by his sister's restaurant again to try out the new home made breaded fish cutlets she was trying out. Sounded good to you but you weren't expecting to see some familiar faces in the park as you waited for a walk about.

It was just business as usual. You met up with the stoic couple. Gyomei opted for waiting again as he did want to make a call, something about a package mix up at the post office. And off you three went. Around one time, and then partially around the second time when you saw a familiar face..

Or rather a familiar face saw you.

"Y/N!!!" 

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the loud voice behind you. You turned- "AH!?" And was quickly scooped up by Giyuu who's face did not change when a pink and green blur whizzed past you both.

Mitsuri had skidded to a stop both arms thrown out still in mid tackle huh before those shiny green eyes blinked, and turned behind her. She let out a happy gasp again before squealing and running towards you both that seemed almost inhuman. This time Giyuu didn't move fast enough and both of you made surprised sounds when he was swept off his feet... Literally.

You blinked as you were sat there in Giyuu's lap with his arms securely wrapped around you, while he blinked as he in turn was held up bridal style by a very affectionate Mitsuri. ....Just how strong WAS this petite lady?! 

"It's you! It's you! It's you!," she squealed happily hopping about. "And Giyuu and Shinobu!~" She sang out before quickly gasping again in a hopeful beam. "Are you three going out?"

....You blinked as you tried to comprehend the situation. "Um...Were out here doing our project."

"Which we need to finish." Shinobu tapped the phone still recording like it was obvious.

Mitsuri gasped again. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!"

Slowly Giyuu was placed back down to his feet and you still processing what was going on just asked, "What are you doing here?"

I'm on a date with Tengen and Kyo!" With a turn and a full arm wave, she happily waved down two other people slowly walking up to you all. Tengen with an arm affectionately lazily resting around Kyojuro's shoulders. 

"GREETINGS!!" "How you doing?" They each greeted you both.

"We were on our way to this new restaurant that just opened up with these huge kabobs I wanted!...*sigh* But they were closed."

Shinobu smiled. "What a coincidence. We were just going to eat ourselves. Why not join us?"

She squealed again. "Really?! That's a great idea! We can all make it a triple date!"

"As soon as Giyuu puts Y/n down."

Said blue eyed man blinked before looking down at your form, suddenly realizing that you were still held, turned a bright pink, and then quickly put you down on your own feet muttering rapid fire apologies. Things sure went on a surprising twist that rest of the day. What turned into your plan on just joining a few friends for dinner and then going home turned into a triple surprise dinner date you were dragged into thanks to Shinobu. You didn't mind of course when you were finally able to process everything  but you did feel slightly guilty about springing it on Gyomei whom was just as surprised when the extra footsteps and voices reached his ears."

And the familiar bone crushing hug of Mitsuri wrapped around his middle. For a brief moment you wondered if she was strong enough to lift him up too or if Gyomei's unusual size and weight prevented her from doing so. You might never know because she didn't try to lift him up.

"It's quite a surprise to see you all here-," he said with a curious tilt of his head, "-but weren't you three going to that barbeque place you wanted to go to?"

"We were! But they're closed and we ran into you guys!" Mitsuri beamed throwing around her arms in excitement as she babbled. "We can all go together and make a date outta it! What do you say?!"

"Oh? That's a good idea but it would depend on what Y/n feels like doing."

"I don't mind." He turned his head to you. "It might be fun to hang out together."

That's how you found yourself walking all the way to the delicious smelling restaurant so familiar with you by now and shivering from the warmth cascading over your body from the inside. Tsutako was happy to see her brother and all him friends, happily greeting you all and gesturing to a large table to seat everyone. 

Perhaps it was a strange coincidence that you were sat right across from Kyojuro as the beaming man laughed loudly at some joke Tengen made that was loud enough to gain the attention of a few other tables in the small restaurant. A few orders later and you seven were left waiting and listening to Tengen telling the tale of the time he flashily narrowly escaped the clutches of a rabid wolf on a hiking trip and was only able to barely escape from it using his survival skills he learnt from his days as a boy scout-

"Wait. Are you talking about the time you jumped into a tree because a lady's rottweiler scared you at the park?," Giyuu asked bluntly silencing the taller man.

Tengen had frozen mix smile before he scowled hard at him. "NO!!"

"Yeah..I remember now. This big rottweiler ran up to you and you jumped into the oak tree. That dog was just a big puppy-"

"S-SHUT UP!!" Tengen's face burnt a bright red only made worse by Mitsuri's high pitched giggles and Kyojuro's loud booming laughs. 

"I remember that! I wanted to get one but the thought of Tengen climbing the furniture out of fear stopped me!"

"JUST DROP IT ALREADY!!"

You giggled at the hilarious reaction to everyone around the table leaving poor Tengen to pour red faced at everyone's expense. To be fair the thought of a huge man like Tengen jumping into a tree to escape a friendly dog was amusing. It'd be if Gyomei ran away from a tiny kitten or Shinobu swatting at a butterfly. The constant giggling only got Tengen to pour more however, mumbling something under his breath and looking away despite the sympathetic part on the shoulder Kyojuro gave him. 

However said firey man then surprised all of you by his next announcement. "How about a change of topic?" No one protested mostly because he spoke again before anyone could say anything else. "I wanted to wait until everyone else was present but they'll be told sooner or later anyways. I have incredible news!" His smile suddenly became as big as his plate. "My father has gotten a job!"

A small moment of silence was broken by Shinobu. "Of course he does. The dojo."

Red hair swayed as he shook his head. "No!..I mean YES!! Yes but no!"

"I'm confused."

"The strangest thing happened earlier this month!," he explained. Your attention immediately went from your cup of tea to the man right across from you, pausing mid sip. "He received a call from the Kimetsu Academy Chairman himself! He wants to hire Father as their new P.E. coach for the kendo team!"

"Eh. Ain't that the prestigious school your mom works at or something?"

"INDEED!!," He beamed proudly crossing his arms. "They only hire the best, so choosing my father proves just how good he really is! I'm very happy for him!" 

"And you're just telling us this now?"

"He didn't want anyone to know until he had time to make up his mind on the matter. Now that he had, he'll be starting next semester!"

"That's wonderful news," Gyomei finally spoke with a smile. "I suppose Senjuro's desire to establish a new club has taken off in ways that even we didn't expect."

Kyojuro hummed tilting his head. "You know that's the strangest part of it." Gyomei hummed back in question. "The Chairman didn't find out about my father's business through Senjuro despite him presenting the idea of a kendo club to him."

"Then your mother was very kind to convince the school of his talents."

"It wasn't her either. In fact she was as confused as he was when the Chairman wished to speak with him. It's incredibly hard to believe but somehow the Chairman was given one of Father's business cards." He made his hand into a semi rectangular shape as if demonstrating actually holding one. 

"Well you did make them to be passed out. One of them must've been passed to him through a parent."

You calmly say back in your chair and sipped your tea to avoid any unwanted attention. You had a feeling of what happened but you weren't entirely too sure.

"That's the strangest thing. Senjuro wasn't able to pass them out at school yet. We had lots made but a good chunk of them went missing not too long ago. Instead he had gotten the card at some social event from a lady called...." He hummed red eyes looking up as he tried to recall the name. "Daki. Dakota. Dakita? Something along those lines."

Gyomei slowly lowered his drink and tilted his head at Kyojuro as if something fell into place.

"Wow. It's like a super early Christmas miracle!," Mitsuri gushed, "*gasp* Maybe it was an angel! Sent to answer your prayers!"

"Yeah..I doubt that, Mitzi."

"Did you say 'Dakita'?," Gyomei's voice spoke slowly making you suddenly freeze right next to his larger form.

Kyojuro nodded. "Something like that I believe. I can't be for certain as it's second hand knowledge."

.....Gyomei suddenly turned to you making you freeze up even more under his raised. "Don't you have an Aunt Dakita?"

You swore it was like a domino effect of everyone turning their heads turning to you. Nervously you gulped under the intense feeling before smiling nervously to laugh it off. "I do. She's a really good matchmaker."

"Hm. That must mean she has a lot of networking to do. Did you not take a card from Rengoku during the party?"

You gave him a look. Was he TRYING to throw you under the bus or something?!

"Your aunt is responsible for the Chairman's call?"

Kyojuro's sudden intense look, eyebrows raised in surprise, had you pausing as a feeling of awkward silence come over the table. You felt like you were suddenly in an interrogation room being stared down at by seven pairs of eyes...Well six pairs of eyes and one pair of ears in Gyomei's case. Either way it was an awkward intimidating moment.

You shrugged. "I-I mean..I did give her a few cards Senjuro was passing out." Wasn't a lie. Senjuro was passing them out but specifically you gave her the ones he didn't get to get. Your f/c looked everywhere but the intense gaze of the man in front of you. "She does a lot of n-networking with clients and you guys seemed like you needed a hand so, I figured it wouldn't hurt to try and help a little bit..."

You trailed off fiddling with the tablecloth under her hands as the silence resumed. Nothing but the clinking and murmuring of the few other tables being occupied by other people in the restaurant with your group. For a moment no one said a single word until something you didn't expect broke the silence.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!!"

You jumped, looking up and blinking at Kyojuro who had thrown his head back and was.. laughing. Loud, happy, and not what you expected to hear. He kept laughing and laughing. His smile contagious to everyone else at the table as they also smiled at him. Eventually his smile was directed back to your confused face.

"Mitsuri should've dressed you up as an angel for the party instead of a queen!," his delightful voice spoke out.

You blinked. "...What?"

"Gyomei couldn't have picked a nicer woman to join us! Now I can see why everyone likes you so much!"

Gyomei gave him a look that seemed both a mix of surprise and confusion raising a brow at Kyojuro. However you could only blink again.

"Wait. You're not mad?"

"Absolutely not! Why would I be angry with someone who's been the one who put the ball into motion for my family to get better?"

"Well-" You made a motion with your hand. "-it wasn't really me. My aunt did the real work of getting the right connection."

"Hm. That's true! I'll have to thank her if I ever get the pleasure of meeting this wonderful lady!," he announced loudly. 

Oh gods no. The chaos from that would be so embarrassing to say the least. Just the thought of the two chaotic forces meeting had you filled with dread. 

"I'll pass along the message for you." Without thinking too much about it you just reached out to pat Kyojuro's hand making him blink in surprise while waving him off with your other hand. "I'm genuinely happy to know that I was able to help your family." He blinked as you smiled at him brightly and genuinely. "I'm very proud of your dad getting a good job! He deserves it definitely!"

For a moment Kyojuro didn't speak when you pulled your hand away and turned your attention to the drink you hadn't finished yet. Thankfully no one got a chance to say anything else about the situation because Tsutako came back out with some of your food. Kyojuro however slowly closed his hand where you had gripped it. A pleasant feeling running up his arm and tickling his face a pink as a large beaming smile at you.

"So, Tengen. Have you painted anything new lately?," you asked shifting the topic back onto someone else.

Said white haired man perked up at the question. "Well since you asked, I've been working on this absolutely beautiful landscape of the nearby mountains."

With the attention thankfully off you now, you could relax and eat the daikon in front of you to fill the emptiness in your stomach and hopefully you would be able to get through the rest of this month normally...

No such luck.

Not even a few days later and you were back on schedule again working at the daycare, attending classes, and the usual. So when you were checking out children one Tuesday afternoon, you were surprised when you saw a familiar face walk in again. No not Sanemi.

Kyojuro.

He walked right in smile beaming with happiness. You were both surprised and confused to see him there but have him a smile as the usual greeting you normally gave.

"Hi, Kyojuro. What a surprise! Are you here to get Koto for Sanemi again? I don't remember him telling me about it."

He shook his head long hair swaying. "NO! I actually swung by to see you!"

You blinked. "Me?"

"INDEED! I've regaled your genuine selflessness to my family and they'd like to personally invite you and your Aunt to dinner so they can personally express their gratitude!"

You stared. "..What?"

"Furthermore I'd love to have you come join us more often for outings since I don't quite think we're acquainted enough yet! In fact the girls are going out this Saturday! You should come along!"

"....What?"

[lets-try-some-writing]

Help, I am getting stuck in this cycles over and over without actually finish any story that I want to write.

I get ideas or AU that make me interested to write -> realising that i need to lay down some setting or background to make story worked, so I started plotting -> executive dysfunction/ procrastination kicking in because I have trouble of putting ideas in my head into paper and due ‘perfectionism complex’ I get boggled by detail -> I stared at empty document for several day -> I lost interest and motivation in writing for several day/week -> cycle started over again.

I can’t exactly force myself to write because it will extend the period of “I stared at an empty document for several day -> I lost interest and motivation in writing for several day/week” to months. Any suggestion how to deal with this cycle?

I do actually have some suggestions! I have several, in fact.

One: If you are suffering from creative burnout after being overwhelmed, try just giving it a break. I know this is the simplest option, but seriously, step back and engage with some new media for a few minutes. You may get ideas, or at any rate, your mind will have the chance to unwind for a bit. And do know, that sometimes some things do just have to cook. I've left fics for months at a time and come back with a banger chapter after letting it be and getting my mind sorted out for a while first. If you really love it, you'll be back eventually.

Two: Play into that need to make it right by hyperfixating on ONE aspect of the thing you are working on. It may sound counter productive, but I've found that by bunkering down with one specific detail or plot piece or even bits of the lore, it can actually help spiral out into other subjects that need to be addressed. Like, while working on lore for an au, it can get really overwhelming to think about ALL of the world. So instead, I'll pick one character, one time period, one plot point. Then, I'll expand on that one thing until it starts to tie in with other points. From there, I'll just move from point to point, connecting the pieces of the web. Here's an example:

Premise > supporting premise > supporting premise > tie in lore.

Starscream is Winglord of Vos > He was forced into the position and separated from his brothers > He is a brilliant leader but bitter because of his role > He joined up with Megatron after Vos burned in a need for revenge.

Once you hit the tie in lore, you can swap focus to begin working on the other character or subject. This will help you tie everything together in a cohesive manner (at least it helps me). Being able to make everything connect up may fight that feeling of being overwhelmed.

Three: Talk to someone about it. I cannot stress enough how brilliant some of my friends have been in helping me refine a concept. Find a willing victim Friend, and tell them about your concept. Let them give you feedback and ideas. The more fun you both have, the better. More thoughts and ideas will give you more to play with. And if nothing else, even if you don't continue with the idea, you won't feel quite as defeated because you got to talk about it.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[jaynovz]

Is it time for me to foam at the mouth about one of Silver's most batshit insane decisions in the entire show?

(So the ramble underneath this is literally 2k, so like, make good choices I guess. also pls imagine me as Pepe Silvia meme the entire time)

So I see people talking a lot about how Silver is fucking deranged bonkers banana cakes he has 10,000 snakes in his head instead of a brain and of course I agree this is just Canon.

However, the moments that we focus on are like 3.3, doldrums talking to Billy about Flint controlling reality when he's starving and dehydrated or like what he says in response in 3.10 when Flint tells him his story, about Thomas.

Both of those are very very good moments for Silver being fucking crazy and saying things out loud with his human mouth that no regular unfucked human being would come up with, he set new RECORDS for it, agreed.

TODAY I want to talk about a different moment, what I think is the most egregious example of Derangement. It's in the Silver-Flint gold conversation in 2.7.

Quick context-- Before Silver meets back up with Flint in 2.7 he was sent after a VERYYYY dissatisfying conversation (aka "the gold is still a priority" where Silver challenges Flint on the Vane and the fort and Abigail Ashe plan and Flint lies to his face) to go influence the men to vote for Flint's side of things over Hornigold's. After dealing with the Logan situation in the middle of that (which I don't actually think Flint ever finds out about Silver helping to cover that shit up, but that's not the point right now) he shows back up right in the middle of Hornigold addressing the pirate council and accusing Flint of a bunch of crimes (most of which are accurate lol) and Flint is Angy about "where the fuck has you [Silver] been?" and Silver tells him (loud enough for the entire council to hear mmhmm) that the gold is gone.

Now the order of the scenes, the timeline, means The Reveal about the gold is with Max later, (right, that later is the point it becomes real for us because we're finding out the same as Max's that Silver has made the gold disappear) and so it's hard to keep in mind until a second watch how the entire time there in the tent and Silver is putting on this performance, such a good show about it the whole time and then he goes and talks and gives the speech to the whole fucking combined crew and that entire time we don't know yet.

But Silver knows. He has already engineered a situation where he has convinced to the scouts that they're going to sell the location of the gold to another crew!! He has already removed the Urca gold from right under Flint's nose!! (Which is like the thing that Flint has been working towards for an unknown amount of years since he found out about it right? This thing, this sort of mythical amount of money, which is going to solve problems and effect change and build a future and fulfill Thomas ideals.)

And while he's talking he has already waved his hand and made it disappear in the narrative and he did it so skillfully that we don't even suspect that this is happening until the reveal and so sometimes it's hard to go back and think about the 2.7 tent conversation.

Potentially it doesn't quite HIT on the first watch. Maybe not even the second.

But yeah what I want to draw attention to is that... this ENTIRE TIME, from the moment Silver shows back up, he is putting on the performance of his fucking life. He's ALREADY met the scouts Vincent and Nicholas on the jetty, he's ALREADY convinced them ON THE FLY ON A WHIM to lie to Captain Flint. He's ALREADY coached them through exactly what to say to sell it, to lie to Captain James Flint's fucking face. right??? and THEN only after that does he goes to meet Flint.

And the very specific thing I am focusing on isn't even THAT gamble, which is fucking SCARY CRAZY ALREADY. But the WAY this boy pulls the bluff out, the lengths he goes to during the next convo in the tent about "there is no we. the gold was the inducement" and all that. You know the scene.

I wanna underline how Silver decides midstream, midargument to... FLIP IT AROUND and accuse Flint of making the gold disappear.... when Silver literally just made the gold disappear.

Silver: I believe I've been clear about the nature of my investment here. The gold was the inducement. Now no gold… Flint: It's an unfortunate development that we have to adapt, and quickly. Silver: Adapt? I've had about my fill of adapting lately. Doing your bidding, keeping the crew in line for you. Flint: I wasn't the only one to benefit from that. Silver: It certainly seemed that way. Even now you're the only one benefitting from it. Flint: What are you saying, that I'm benefitting from the gold having disappeared? Silver: It certainly solved a number of problems for you, didn't it? I have half a mind to wonder if you didn't orchestrate this whole thing to your advantage.

So yeah I'm uh, I'm literally foaming im frothing im cappucino right now. I want to put this UNDER THE MICROSCOPE AND STUDY HIM. what in the FUCK. Silver knows the entire time, this ENTIRE EXCHANGE, that not only is the gold still on the beach but that he is gonna fucking SELL THE LOCATION to Max and Rackham. And then sits there cool as a fucking cucumber with his mask of irritability...(because of course if he had nothing to do with it!!) Like of course he would be mad that the gold is gone, because the gold was the inducement RIGHT.

All of the rest of that is a foundation for like the craziest part isn't necessarily that he's putting on the act That's in keeping with him, we've seen that, we saw that he was getting more and more frustrated and that part doesn't surprise us that like he would... I mean we saw him steal the page and we saw him burn the page and we have seen him make these types of kind of batshit decisions so we're like "okay this this checks out."

But the truly deranged part where it goes beyond like it just like they're like literally... he. he. HE ACCUSES FLINT OF THE THING HE JUST DID. There was no reason for you to say that and at this point it's like he is SEEING how CLOSE he can get to the fire, he is seeing how much RISK can be pulled off. He's getting off on poking and sleeping dragon in the eye when he knows very well the entire time that he stole the fucking dragon's gold.

"I have half a mind to wonder if you didn't orchestrate this whole thing to your advantage."

I--

it's... it's some reverse psychology bluffing gamble, it's "let me say what has happened, let me literally ADMIT WHAT I JUST DID but no YOU did it, I projected it onto YOU. hope that you don't think about that too hard. let me hope that this works out"

There was... THERE WAS JUST NO REASON FOR IT. He was already pulling it off, the conversation was. "There is no we" and "I was clear about the nature of my investment" THAT'S ENOUGH. STOP.

there's just no reason for him to have done that but it's because he's fucking crazy he's a crazy person

The way his brain works just does not follow lines of logic like a sane human being!!

FURTHER POINT--

this is how we also get to the point where he convinces himself to go to Charles Town (because we see him go to Charlestown!! we see him on the ship the next time!! in 2.8!!)

and he says to the scouts that, yknow, paraphrasing "we came on this endeavor in order to allay suspicion about the fact that we have all double crossed this crew that we are sailing with right now including Flint"

now the thing about that is that and I think I've mentioned this before, but I don't know if I've said it in a formal post that so many people had defected/deserted because the gold was gone and they had no appetite for storming the fort after that. And then Silver went and convinced to the rest of the crew remaining to go to Charlestown to seek the pardons right and that's what Flint wanted him to do. So if Silver then defected because the gold was indeed the inducement and there was no gold then I don't think Flint would have fucking batted an eye!!!

And neither would anyone else!! because even though Silver is very useful to Flint as a tool right now, Flint was very mission-focused, very Miranda-focused very pardons-focused, very "let's fulfill Thomas's dream"-focused. So even though he does and has needed Silver a lot recently to influence the crew, I don't think he was really thinking about him basically for two-three episodes after that basically. Cuz they don't talk again, right, and they are just not in each other's orbit for 2.8, 2.9, 2.10.

So what that tells me is that Silver goes to Charlestown and he just... really didn't have to he could have stayed in Nassau and assisted Max or just laid low until the gold got retrieved and then potentially taking his share and left before Flint crew got back!!

I've talked about this specific part before where Silver says that their safety is contingent upon whether Flint is successful in his endeavor or not. Like he says that out loud to Vincent (which is the most bat ship banana cakes bonkers thing ever) about it because he's basically hitched his horse to the outcome of this pardon situation when he absolutely didn't have to do that to get the goal he and the scouts could have all just deserted and no one would have been the wiser because so many crew had, including Dufresne, because of the gold situation!!

Now there's some arguments here about well.... one of our main characters cannot just leave.

But because the writers have created a party member who wants to leave the party what they then keep having to do is invent more and more convoluted mental gymnastics to himself to continue staying and following Flint which is why at the end of the day I sort of can't really see a situation where the Silverflint thing is not like the main thing because they're both obsessed with each other in different ways (and Silver is obsessed first because he doesn't fucking leave and there's a bunch of reasons he should and there's a bunch of chances for him to do so) and so it all starts to look real fucking gay

But yes uh circling back... Silver lies to Flint's fucking face about the gold, going so far as to ACCUSE HIM of making it disappear, then goes on an extremely dangerous errand trapped on a ship full of people who he double crossed with two scouts with loose lips... when, in order to guarantee his future, if we're looking at actual real logic and actual real pragmatism and survival instincts and not just "oh I have to follow Flint because ummmm -dial up sounds-",

Then he should have stayed in Nassau.

[304wv66]

HELLO EVERYONE I HAVE NOT DRAWN AT THIS BARE MINIMUM CALIBER SINCE LAST YEAR BUT WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK BABY

anyway here are some of my ocs in their first iterations with the original drawings and their current iterations

[sakurarisen]

So just as a heads up, I'm being forced back on to semi-hiatus once again, this time permanently. My health has taken an awkward turn yet again, and the last couple of weeks have been appointment, test, and illness after appointment, test, and illness, and personally, I'm tired - Enough so I've just been working on a project pertaining to Halcyon Era in the background with @yoroiis more than anything else just to keep my sanity. Added onto that is the fact there's a storm coming over the weekend and that's spiked my storm anxiety something fierce.... It's not been easy.

On top of that, my future online in general is currently up in the air; we're looking at dropping our current provider and we have one other choice given where we live, and the chance of losing just about everything I have going online, from comfort games (Genshin, Star Rail, Beat Saber...) to my ability to be here, because of this second choice is incredibly high. I don't know when we'll be switching providers, but the choice has been made, and I have no say in the matter whatsoever, so... Better to just hit the semi-hiatus now and make it permanent.

My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof and there's literally nothing I can do about them. I'm still doing behind the scenes work and replies when I can get to them, especially since I'm still technically here and just lingering in the background, but there's a lot on my plate and everything I have for myself personally is up in the air, in ways that are entirely out of my hands, and I'm not doing well with any of it. I'm hoping things turn out well, but I can't say anything on it at the moment other than I hate it.

I might reblog a meme here or there, both here and on @thundertide and @heartchip, but for the most part, my inbox and IMs are open while I tend to things in the background. I'm still here - Just quieter than normal while I try to deal with a lot, so catch me on the sidelines for a while while I work on Halcyon stuff and updating blogs. <3

~Pom

[somelazyassartist]

[thethingything]

*puts on playlist of songs we listened to a lot in early 2022* why am I being reminded of early 2022? why am I getting so nostalgic? what could possibly be causing all these weird emotions suddenly? wow I really miss the first few months of being in the system where our mental health was the best it had been in years and not much was happening and the reality of being stuck here hadn't sunk in yet and things felt new and exciting even if we were having a hard time processing certain stuff... what on earth could have prompted me to start thinking about this?

[ungroomedcat]

I took off work today. I thought it might help my mood but I've only felt guilty. I'm feeling kind of down, not because of work, but a combination of returning there full time, the monotony of it all, my brother ill at home, I read this fic yesterday where the main character's watch got stuck as a symbolism for his life growing stagnant, and it really rubbed that old wound I'd thought I'd healed. I'm thirty one now, I didn't think I would still feel this way. And for a long time, I didn't. This year particularly had been going really well. But tragedy struck and I'm sitting here with an ache in my chest feeling pity for myself. If I could drink, today would have been a good day to.

[mitamicah]

.

[girlwarlock]

i wish i could manage to make progress with diy voice feminization stuff. or afford to see a pro about it

[adw520]

cant sleep because i cant stop thinking about how the mechanic was a bit of an asshole to me for no reason when i got my car finally taken in

[mayonakano-archive]

i'm going to delete this later but i need to just. yell.

[champ-wiggle]

'She is so old': One-eyed wolf in Yellowstone defies odds by having 10th litter of pups in 11 years

By Patrick Pester, published June 3, 2024

Wolf 907F recently gave birth to her 10th litter of pups, which researchers say is likely a Yellowstone National Park record.

Wolf 907F walking past a trail camera in Yellowstone National Park. (Image credit: Yellowstone Wolf and Cougar Project)

The alpha female of a Yellowstone gray-wolf pack has defied the odds by having a 10th litter of pups at the age of 11.

The one-eyed wolf elder, named Wolf 907F, gave birth to her latest litter last month, the Cowboy State Daily reported. Gray wolves (Canis lupus) have an average life span of three to four years, so it's rare for them to reach 11, let alone have pups at that age.

Wolf 907F has given birth to pups every year for a decade straight since she became sexually mature, which Kira Cassidy, a research associate at the Yellowstone Wolf Project, said is likely a record for the wolves of Yellowstone National Park.

At age 11, Yellowstone’s Wolf 907F has lived more than twice a wild wolf’s average life expectancy. In this photo from April, she was pregnant with a litter of pups that she’s since given birth to. (Courtesy Yellowstone Wildlife Project)

"Every day, I expect that she might die just because she is so elderly, but I've been thinking that for the last few years, and she keeps going," Cassidy told Live Science.

Cassidy has calculated that only about 1 in 250 wolves in Yellowstone make it to their 11th birthday, with just six recorded examples since wolves were reintroduced to the park in 1995. The oldest of all of these great elders lived to 12.5 years, according to the National Park Service.

Wolf 907F lies in the snow in Yellowstone in 2015. (Image credit: Kira Cassidy/NPS)

Wolf 907F is the oldest wolf to have lived her whole life in the park's Northern Range, where there is more prey but also more competition from other wolves. Wolves rarely die of old age in the wild, and in Yellowstone National Park, the biggest threat is other wolves.

"In a protected place like Yellowstone, their number-one cause of death is when two packs fight with each other," Cassidy said. "That accounts for about half of the mortality."

One of Yellowstone's oldest wolves, Wolf 907F is pictured here with her pack last year. She's the gray collared wolf on the lower left. (Courtesy Yellowstone Wildlife Project)

Wolf 907F is the alpha female of the Junction Butte pack, which has between 10 and 35 members at any given time. Cassidy noted that this is a large pack — the average wolf pack size is about 12 individuals — and that reduces the risk of being killed in territorial fights. Wolf 907F's experience also gives her pack an edge.

"Packs that have elderly wolves are much more successful in those pack-versus-pack conflicts because of the accumulated knowledge and the experience that they bring to that really stressful situation," Cassidy said.

Wolf 907F has likely boosted her pack's survival chances outside of battle, too. Cassidy noted that the Junction Butte pack rarely leaves Yellowstone's border and that Wolf 907F is "savvy" when it comes to things like crossing roads and avoiding humans.

Wolf 907F, Yellowstone's aging matriarch at 11 years old, only has one eye. She's the fourth wolf to pass by this trail cam. (Courtesy Yellowstone Wildlife Project)

What makes Wolf 907F even more impressive is that she does all of this with only one functioning eye. Researchers aren't sure what happened, but her left eye has been small and sunken since before she turned 4. "You would never know [when] watching her," Cassidy said.

Like other elders, Wolf 907F takes a back seat in hunts now that she's older, and she spends most of her day hanging around with the pack's pups. Cassidy and her colleagues have counted three pups in her current litter, which is smaller than the average litter size of four to five but not surprising. A 2012 study of Yellowstone wolves published in the Journal of Animal Ecology found that litter size declines with age.

"The fact that 907 is still having pups is amazing, and her litter being small is expected given that she is so old," Cassidy said.

A few of Wolf 907F's offspring now lead packs of their own, but most of her pups never reach adulthood due to the perilous nature of being a wolf. However, Wolf 907F and the others in the park don't seem to live like death is on their mind.

"They are happy to be with their family going from day to day," Cassidy said. "Even if they have injuries or are missing an eye or something really stressful is going on in their life, they move through that stress and go back to seemingly really enjoying their life."

At age 11, Yellowstone's Wolf 907F - the gray wolf in the center of this photo from 2020- has lived more than double the typical lifespan of wolves in the wild. (Courtesy Yellowstone Wildlife Project)

[imjustexistingtbh]

AHHH i feel like im on the verge of a panic attack and im justified by it but also. also. also. AUGH.